


36 Questions to Fall in Love (With Characters You Never Expected)

by AlixxBlack



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 36 questions, 36 questions to fall in love, Falling In Love, Gen, I don't know how else to tag this, Other, Reader-Insert, character is answering, hated characters, reader interviewing characters, reader is asking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 13:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19427023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlixxBlack/pseuds/AlixxBlack
Summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory. Characters that most people don't like or don't care for are going to be answering the questions that their partner (you) is asking them. If I've done my job well, you might see these characters in a new light by the end of the interview.





	1. Pansy Parkinson

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ouranose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouranose/gifts).



> Love is a funny thing…
> 
> Familiar & Reflective…
> 
> Foreign & Mysterious…
> 
> Fabulous & Terrifying…
> 
> But most of all…
> 
> Love is unexpected.
> 
> So let’s do this: ask me something. In fact, ask me thirty-six somethings.

> Question 1: _If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?_

****

I think I would really like to have dinner with Rita Skeeter. She has so much power and influence over what everyone thinks. I would love to have that sort of impact on others. Not to mention the fact that she’s stylish too!

> Question 2: _Would you like to be famous? In what way?_

Do I have to really pick one way to be famous? I want to write for the Daily Prophet; I want to be a trendsetter; I want to be the beautiful wife of a powerful family; I want to be a skilled witch in charms and divinations. I’m the sort that wants it all, you know?

> Question 3: _Before writing a letter, do you write a draft first so that you don’t write something you regret?_

I believe that I should always say what I mean first and then worry about what I mean later. We might not always mean the first thing we say, but I think it’s important to acknowledge everything we think and feel no matter how ugly it can be.

> Question 4: _What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?_

A walk through the Herbology garden followed by a picnic breakfast, to start, followed by an afternoon spent shopping in Hogsmeade. The evening would be spent doing something simple like playing a game in the courtyard or snuggling on the couch and reading the Daily Prophet together.

Oh wait… You said perfect ‘day,’ not perfect ‘date,’ didn’t you? Oops!

> Question 5: _When did you last sing to yourself and someone else?_

I sing to myself in the shower every morning. Unfortunately, when I tried to sing Draco to sleep on the train last year, he told me that I sound like a dying mandrake when I sing. So that would be the last time I sang to someone else. Maybe I don’t sing in public anymore, but I always sing to myself. I deserve to do that much, right?

> Question 6: _If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the body or the mind of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?_

Ugh, that’s a terrible question, honestly. Have you seen how agile witches and wizards are in their old age? I mean, yeah, I want to look fabulous for the rest of my life, so I guess I’d choose that because I’m going to keep learning about stuff. I don’t want to be stuck in the trends that were cool when I was 30, and that’s all I’d think about if I kept my 30-year-old mind. I wouldn’t choose either, but if I had to choose then I would keep my body.

> Question 7: _Do you have a secret hunch how you will die?_

Someone is definitely going to kill me out of jealousy. Nobody expects Pansy bloody Parkinson to steal the show, but I do – every damn time.

> Question 8: _Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common._

We are both absolutely amazing. Maybe it’s in different ways. I can’t light up a room the way you can with your smile, your laugh, or your eyes, but I can make everyone turn their head to me when I start talking. That power of presence exists in both of us wherever we go.

Neither one of us are really “first pick” types, either, if that isn’t too blunt. People look over us, past us, over us, as if we’re not the best damn things that ever happened. We are way more talented than we get credit for. Bullshit, but true.

I think we both have a good sense of curiosity, too. We don’t like everything, but we give everything a chance to be interesting. Maybe we say we don’t like surprised, but we’re definitely lying. We love them.

> Question 9: _For what in life do you feel the most grateful?_

My parents. After all I’ve seen with my friends, I count myself luck that they pay attention to me and listen to what I have to say. They’re not perfect, and we have had our fair share of problems, but I don’t question for one second that they love me. I know too many people that can’t say the same.

> Question 10: _If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?_

I mean, it would have been nice if my parents had let me practice magic a bit more when I was younger. All of my friends were allowed to do magic because it was undetected but my parents insisted that I wait because those were the rules. I got away with little things when they weren’t looking, but I hated hiding that from them. It made me feel like a fraud.

> Question 11: _What is the abridged version of your life?_

I was born to Frances and Elizabeth Parkinson and have no siblings. My parents have a lovely hand-kept garden that we often work in together. Growing up I was wanted to do magic and become a strong witch, but my parents wanted me to figure out the ways of socializing and maneuvering the politics of being one of the “sacred twenty-eight” families. I’m a proud Slytherin and will cheerlead anyone in my house because we put our families first, and Slytherin house is my second family. I consider my best friend to be Draco Malfoy, but I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me. Outside of Draco. I do get on pretty well with Millicent Bulstrode, so we sometimes study together over tea and biscuits on the weekend. When I’m not making appearances with my family on the holidays, I like to read old editions of the Daily Prophet, my father has a whole archive of everything published since he was eleven years old. There are some really neat articles about when new plants were discovered or about strange crimes that were committed that weren’t necessarily related to the war. If I get really bored, I’ll dress up or practice spellcasting in the mirror, just to see how I look.

> Question 12: _If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?_

I have always been quite awful at flying. I love watching Quidditch, but I can barely stay on the broom and flying from one side of the pitch to the other. Draco used to tell me that it required a level of “emotional control” that I “simply do not possess.” If I were naïve, I would have disagreed with him and assume he was deflecting because of his own emotional insecurities. Unfortunately, I know that he was right. It would be nice to fly, though, and so I would really like to have that skill. Sometimes I don’t feel like a proper witch since I can’t fly the way everyone else does.

> Question 13: _If you could scry something about yourself, your life, in the future, what would you want to know?_

On one hand, I want to know everything. I’m hungry with curiosity about whether or not I succeed at the things I wish to accomplish. On the other hand, though, I don’t want to know that I fail. I’ve had too many people say that I’m selfish and blinded by my own greed passion to have more, so I don’t need something concrete to stick that negativity to me. The only thing I would want to know is whether my parents die happy.

> Question 14: _Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it yet?_

I’m not very good at school, which is why I want to be famous for being an influential person, but I often think about how great it would be to be a researcher for Herbology. That’s a very quiet life, though, and I’m not sure how well I could live that kind of life when I want to be able to do it all. The life of a researcher is kind of like being in solitude, so I don’t want to commit to a life that might not necessarily let me pursue everything.

> Question 15: _What is the greatest accomplishment in your life?_

I’m actually a very good chef, so I have to say one of my proudest moments is when I made a successful soufflé when I was thirteen. It was the first time I was cooking by myself without my mother, plus I was trying a new recipe. Everything was delicious!

> Question 16: _What do you value in a friendship?_

Being honest. Too many people have lied to me and manipulated me by lying to me about their intentions. I just want someone to think of me as their best friend and to mean it.

> Question 17: _What is your most treasured memory?_

My father is the one who took my shopping for my Yule Ball dress, which was unexpected, but we had such a wonderful time. I remember him telling me that I could get whatever dress I wanted, and he took me everywhere – to shops I’d never even heard of – and we just went through dress after dress. I was surprised by how much he knew about fashion. In the end, I chose the dress that made him cry. He said that I was more beautiful than the word itself. It was really sweet having him choose to be a part of that moment in my life because most everyone else did their dress shopping with their moms. I love that this memory will always be different from me than anyone else that I know.

> Question 18: _What is your most terrible memory?_

When I realized that Draco was never going to care about me the way I cared about him. It wasn’t terrible because I felt like he was taking something owed to me, which is what a lot of people were saying about me. I was more hurt about the fact that he lied about it and was unhappy with me. He wasted my time. He wasted his time. Even though he never deserved to be loved the way I loved him, I wouldn’t take it back or change it. I don’t have a time turner to change it, and I’m not even sure that I would even if I could.

> Question 19: _If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living right now? Why?_

Well, if I’m dying in a year, I’m doing whatever I want whenever I want without worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to take care of myself in the future. Even though I want to be as free as possible right now, I also think about my future plans and stability. I won’t worry about that sort of thing if I’m dying that soon regardless of my choices.

> Question 20: _What does friendship mean to you?_

I feel like – wasn’t this – didn’t I already answer this question? Friendship is being honest and supportive. Maybe that means you have to be the “bad” friend sometimes and that’s fine because friendship is defined by the truths you tell. Being there for them is the most important thing you can do with that truth, too.

> Question 21: _What roles do love and affection play in your life?_

Physical affection is so important for any kind of relationship. My parents hug me all the time, and I tried to high five my friends or squeeze their shoulders when I walk by, just to remind them that I’m physically here for them whenever they need me. My mother says that touch is the biggest way to remind someone who is hurting that you are there for them.

As for love, I used to think it wasn’t important for everyone, but I know now that love is the only way to remain on course. Love is the most important emotion that a person can feel for themselves, for others, and that they can receive from those around them.

> Question 22: _Share five positive things characteristics you believe that you have._

One – I know my plants. If we got stuck in the middle of nowhere with no guides or clue as to where we were, I could at least figure out what plants were okay to eat. We would not starve!

Two – I’m never going to lie to you about the way you look or the way you’re acting. If you look ridiculous, I’m going to tell you. If you’re acting like a prat, I’m going to tell you. But, alternatively, I’m going to tell you when you look great or when you’re making a positive impact. I’ll be your critic and cheerleader.

Three – It may not seem like it, but I love tending to the house and the garden. Those mundane sort of things are relaxing, but it’s also a status symbol of how hard I work to make sure everything reflects the image I have of myself. Not a lot of folks worry about their houses looking nice, or they have house elves to do all of the work, but my mom said it would be important for me to know how to do those sorts of things without the help of house elves. Draco said my mom was a lunatic for talking like that to me, because the big families don’t ever lift a finger for mundane things. My parents are practical, though, even if they’re posh.

Four – I’m a really good tickler. If you are ticklish somewhere, I’ll find it. It’s like a third eye of mine, or something.

Five – I have to say something shallow, so I’m going to say that my silky soft hair is also a really great characteristic of mine. It’s naturally great, but I do take great care of it as well. I’d like to see Hermione Granger try to charm her hair to be as nice as mine for a full day. She can’t. She’ll never be able to brag about her hair.

> Question 23: _How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most others?_

I mean, I’ve answered this already, why are you repeating the questions? I do feel that my family was closer and warmer and happier than most others of our status. We had two images, I think, to make sure that we always fit the expectations, but yeah – we are close and happy.

> Question 24: _How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?_

I wouldn’t talk to my mom about every little thing, but I trust her with my life and _most_ of my secrets. Nobody tells their mother everything, I don’t think, but that doesn’t mean I love her less. It doesn’t mean she loves me any less! Our relationship is good, though, and I love her dearly.

> Question 25: _Can you make three “we” statements?_

We are both willing to take a chance on something silly, unlikely, and mundane.

We are both really thirsty, I think, because our cups are empty.

We are both feeling calm and peaceful. Unexpectedly, I think.

> Question 26: _How would you finish this sentence: I wish I had someone with whom I could share…_

My collection of pressed flowers. That seems so petty and shallow, right? WRONG! It’s like a diary, to me, because I write about what I was feeling and thinking when I collected each flower. It is the most intimately personal thing that I own.

> Question 27: _If you were going to become a close friend to me, what do you think is important for me to know?_

That I’m mean sometimes. Maybe I’m mean on purpose, maybe it’s an accident, maybe I can’t tell the difference between the two. I am trying really hard to stop being the bully I became when I was younger, the person I was not too long ago. Just – tell me that I’m being a right cock and I’ll bite back a bit. But I will see that I was mean and try to be better. I’m always trying to be better.

> Question 28: _What do you like about me?_

I like the way your muscles match your emotions. The best liars can make their body match their words, but most of us can’t do that. Most of us say one thing but our bodies say something else. It makes people very hard to read. You’re not like that. Your muscles are smooth like your forehead and your lips. Right now, you’re almost blank, because you’re listening. I also like that you’re listening. Not many people give a girl like me that chance, not after the horrible way I treated people.

> Question 29: _Share an embarrassing moment in your life._

Do you really want to know the most embarrassing moment in my life? It’s sort of gross, so you need to be really prepared for what I’m about to say – okay?

You can’t turn back from this. Are you sure? Well.

Fine.

My most embarrassing moment was in my third year. During one of Defense Against the Dark Arts exams, the sort where you have to perform a spell in front of the class, I felt like I wet my pants. At first, I thought I was just sweating from the nerves, but then I had a ripping pain across my lower stomach. I didn’t want to ask to leave class in the front of the whole class so I threw a tantrum and shouted at the professor, Remus Lupin at the time, and called him a foul beast. I didn’t know then that he was a werewolf. I was wildly admired by Draco for days, but I didn’t really appreciate it because I had started my period and was miserable.

> Question 30: _When did you last cry in front of another person and by yourself?_

I cried by myself the other day – Friday? – when I stubbed my toe on the post of my bed. It hurt and I swore that I’d broken it for a few hours. I was definitely more dramatic than I needed to be but it gave me an excuse to cry and lay in my bed for a bit.

As for crying in front of another person – I cried at Diagon Alley the other day. Another girl had grabbed the robe I wanted and it was the last in the shop. I broke down and started crying, babbling about how important that robe was to me.

As I say that out loud, I realize that it was not a good choice.

> Question 31: _What is something you like about me already?_

Your laugh is intoxicating in the best way possible.

> Question 32: _Is there anything too serious to be joked about?_

Once, I think I would’ve said there’s nothing too serious to be joked about, because time heals all things, right? I don’t believe that now. I think that war, death, and murder are pretty serious things that nobody should joke about anymore. After everything, everyone has lost? No. It’s not acceptable, and I see that now.

> Question 33: _If you died right now, what would you regret not saying to someone? Why haven’t you told them before?_

Merlin’s beard – I don’t know. I pretty well speak my mind all the time. I should apologize to a whole string of people. I would regret not saying ‘thank you’ to my parents more often. Life makes it really easy to forget to say the small things – the ones you don’t think about it every single moment.

> Question 34: _If your house caught fire, what is the one item you would save from your home after saving your loved ones?_

Easy – my pressed flower journal. I’d lose everything else if my parents and that journal were safe.

> Question 35: _Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing and why?_

What a strange word to use – disturbing! – I think you probably mean to ask which death would be the most devastating. I love my parents both equally, but I think I would be most hurt losing my father. My mother and I rely on him in many ways, and if he were to die, then I’m not sure how well my mother and I would cope without him. I know that someday this will be our reality, and I dread thinking about it.

> Question 36: _Is there a problem that I could give you advice on?_

What would you do in my shoes? What direction would you go? I’ve hurt a lot of people, and been left behind by many of the people I thought were my friends. I’m close to my family but we’re sort of outcasts now because of the war. I have really high hopes and big plans for what I want to do, but sometimes I feel really lost and I don’t know how to fix that feeling. Keeping my options open is important to me. Anything can happen and everything can change, but I worry whether or not I can truly change with it all.


	2. Agatha Wellbelove

> Question 1: _If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?_

Maybe it’s a bit cliché, but I feel like I would be happiest inviting Princess Diana to dinner. I know that she’s dead, but you didn’t put any stipulations on this question, and she’s a total icon. I want to ask her so many questions and listen to the things that she has to say.

> Question 2: _Would you like to be famous? In what way?_

I don’t want to be famous. I want to normal. No magic, no frills, no surprises. I’ve had enough of that for multiple lifetimes. All I want to do is have an average life and enjoy the mundane things in life. Fame? Ew, no thanks.

> Question 3: _Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?_

I don’t really think of phone calls being that difficult because you don’t have to see the other person’s face. It’s when you have to talk to people directly that the pressure is really on, and those are the conversations I have to practice. If I know I’m going to make a big decision, I try to plan what I’m going to say beforehand so that I am confident in my words.

> Question 4: _What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?_

Day? Just a regular day? That’s not a hard question at all!

I want to start the day with breakfast in bed and crap telly. A warm shower and a bike ride through the park. Salad and tea for lunch, then running some errands in the afternoon with some friends, maybe we’d see a movie at the cinema before going home for a homemade comfort meal like pork and beans.

If I’ve learned anything at all, it’s that the ordinary stuff is what makes life so special.

> Question 5: _What did you last sing to yourself and someone else?_

That’s a laugh. I don’t sing. Well, I don’t sing _anymore_. There’s no particular reason for it, I just don’t enjoy it and I’ve decided to stop doing things that don’t make me happy.

> Question 6: _If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the body or the mind of a 30-year for the last sixty years of your life, which would you choose?_

Neither. Part of being normal is growing old and aging and learning from your mistakes. I don’t want to retain anything from my thirties because I want to enjoy the life I am given for what it is supposed to be – _imperfect._

> Question 7: _Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?_

No. What a weird question. Do you?

> Question 8: _Name three things that we have in common._

We’re both looking for something more out the world, but nothing extraordinary. We just want to enjoy the little things.

We’re both – trying to find somewhere that we fit in, too. We have friends and family and homes. That’s not the issue. We just need something that feels right for us. Someplace that we will always belong…

We’re both really calm, too. I don’t either one of us has tensed up from this yet, and I think that’s very cool.

> Question 9: _For what in your life do you feel most grateful?_

Is it wrong to say that I’m grateful for my inner resolve? I never used to take anything into my own hands and just rolled with the punches. I did what I thought was expected of me and lived for the people around me. When I decided to follow my own path, I was so thankful for the strength that I had never known I could possess. I’m proud that I was able to make that big of a life change without crumbling.

> Question 10: _If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?_

I wish my parents were more aware of my emotions. Deep down, I know my parents love me and want what’s best for me, but I don’t think they ever saw me for who I wanted to be as a person. They’re wonderful people. I just wish they weren’t so blind.

> Question 11: _Tell me you’re an abridged version of your life story._

I was born to Sharon and Kurt Wellbelove. I started dancing and horseback riding when I was a toddler. I loved doing both of those things until I was inevitably shipped of Watford to learn magic. During that time I got to know Simon Snow and Penelope Bunce, eventually dating the former, and breaking up with him as well. I thought I was really into Baz Pitch but really I was just into the idea of breaking the rules and doing whatever I wanted to do for a change.

Now I’ve run away from home to be my true self. The only story that matters from here on our is the story I write for myself.

> Question 12: _If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?_

It would be really neat to be good at fixing things, like cars and household appliances. The dishwasher at my studio keeps breaking down and maintenance won’t come to fix it.

> Question 13: _If you could use a crystal ball to tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?_

I just want to be able to see my parents without them knowing how much I miss them. More than anything I need this distance to take care of myself and do what I need to do to be healthy, but I miss having dinner with them and watching movies together on the weekends. If they know I’m missing them this much, though, they’ll try to convince me to come back. I won’t go, though, and I won’t do anything to make it easier for me to submit to their whims.

> Question 14: _Is there something you’ve always dreamed of doing but haven’t done yet?_

Running away, but I did that already now, and it’s everything I was hoping for and more.

> Question 15: _What is the greatest accomplishment of your life so far?_

Breaking up with Simon Snow. I was never truly happy in that relationship, and I think it was better for both of us, in the end, to break it off under such unforgiving circumstances. I regret hurting him, but I don’t regret leaving him. It took a lot of effort to do that because my parents loved him, they _still_ love him, but it was never going to end pretty. Never.

> Question 16: _What do you value most in a friendship?_

No friendship will ever be successful if you can’t respect one another. Penny was always better at it than Simon, but she is skeptical about the respect she gives. There’s always an air of disapproval if she doesn’t understand what I’m doing, but she eventually comes around. I think it’s just her flaw like mine is bottling everything up until I blow. We’re both working on it.

My friendships here are more respectful, though, because these people don’t know anything else. They just know who I am today. They love me and they respect me, and I return the favor.

> Question 17: _What is your most treasured memory?_

Purchasing the plane ticket to California. I remember the flood of relief once the plane got into the air. It was fabulous. Never in my life have I felt so free. I cried because I was so happy to be leaving everything behind me. I had absolutely nothing to my name but I didn’t care. It was the blank slate that I was searching for.

> Question 18: _What is your most terrible memory?_

The first night I spent at Watford was a nightmare. There was no denying that my life was changing forever. I couldn’t spend my afternoons in a dance studio and my weekends taking care of the horses in the local stable. My time was now going to spend learning the art of magic and figuring out how to be a magician or a witch or a sorceress or whatever title you want to give it. I hated myself so much I considered running away at eleven years old! I wrote to my parents asking if I had to attend Watford or if I could go to a normal private school, but they wrote it off as being nervous about my first boarding school.

I think that’s when I realized that my parents did truly care about what I wanted, or at least they couldn’t tell what I really wanted, anyway. I was never close to them the way a daughter should be close to her parents after that.

> Question 19: _If you knew that you would die one year from now, would you change anything about the way you are living? Why?_

No. I’m living my best life and I wouldn’t change a damn thing about it. If anything, I would get Lucy a friend to play with when I’m working at the aquarium, but I wouldn’t do anything else different.

> Question 20: _What does friendship mean to you?_

Friendship means loving someone in the face of pain, in the face of joy, and in the face of change. As you get older you, you family dies, and the family you have left are just your friends. These are the people who make the family that you choose. So they have to love you and grow with that love too.

> Question 21: _What roles do love and affection play in your life?_

I crave physical affection from friends and lovers alike. Physical touch is my love language and it matters a lot to me to have those hugs, to hold hands, or just to have someone squeeze my shoulder in reassurance. I can’t see myself being in a successful romantic relationship without that, and my friends need to be understanding that it’s a part of how I show my care for them. So far I haven’t met anyone that has a problem with that, thank goodness. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, of course, but I just don’t know how good of a friend I could be without that physical contact.

> Question 22: _What are five positive characteristics you see in me?_

You are open-minded. You are peaceful. You are compassionate. You are intelligent. You are humble. I could go on and on, honestly, but those are the first five things I think of when I think of you as a person because those are the things I admire most about you.

> Question 23: _How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?_

This is a hard question and I’m afraid that I’ll have contradicting answers. My family isn’t so close and warm anymore, but we used to do a very good job faking it. Well, it was faking it for me most of the time. I love them and I loved the routine things we did together because I like those boring, normal life things.

As for my childhood being happier than most other people’s – I think I would say ‘yes,’ simply because I loved my life until I started attending Watford. Those were more my teen years. But my childhood was great. I thrive on those memories the most.

> Question 24: _How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?_

My mom was more understanding that my dad about my wanting to come to California. She writes to me more often than my dad. A few days ago she tried to add me to one of her social media friend lists, but I haven’t responded yet. I think I’ll add her because I know that she is hurting that I want to be so far away from them, and this will let her feel closer to me. I think we’re probably a bit broken, but she’ll be there no matter what I need when I need it, and I’m glad that she’s willing to do that even after I ran off to the other side of the world.

> Question 25: _Can you make three “we” statements for us?_

We are both good people with good intentions.

We are both homebodies.

We are both living each day as it comes.

> Question 26: _Complete this sentence: I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”_

I wish had someone with whom I could share… Hmmm? I don’t really know. I want to share so much of my life and my self with someone else for the rest of my life, but I still want to explore the person that I’m becoming. Maybe I should just say that I wish I had someone who would share my late night batches of cookies with because I really don’t need to eat them all by myself.

> Question 27: _If you were going to become closer to me, what would be something important for me to know?_

I desperately hate mysteries and surprises. It’s sort of a triggering thing for me because I spent most of my teen years being caught off guard by things I didn’t want in my life, and I dated someone who was a “chosen” one that made life literal hell for the both of us. I don’t want any overarching mysteries in my life anymore. Life’s little mysteries are fine, but I’m not living in an Agatha Christie novel or some fantasy show. I refuse.

> Question 28: _Tell me what you like about me, regardless if you think it’s too soon to say something._

Physically? I really like your hands. Personality? You don’t every pry into someone else’s business. You always let them open up to you first. Emotionally? You’re sturdy. I am not always like that so it’s something about you that I think is stunning.

> Question 29: _What is your most embarrassing moment?_

Have you ever snarted? Like, sneeze and farted? I did that during the first interview for a job I had in California. I wasn’t used to the new environment and something tickled my nose. My sneeze was really soft and delicate and like, one of those, “Oh how cute,” sort of sneezes. Then I let out this fart that literally sounded like someone was playing the kazoo or something. At that point, we both stared at each other and silently agreed that the interview was done.

I didn’t get that job, obviously, but I had better spirits for the next interview, which is what got me the job in the shop down by the beach. It’s perfect for me and its perfect that it worked out that way, but I have never felt so embarrassed in my life.

> Question 30: _When did you last cry in front of someone else and by yourself?_

I literally cried watching Master Chef Junior the other night. It was pretty ugly.

I don’t cry in front of other people very often because that’s just not who I am. I think I probably cried in front of Penny during my last year at Watford. Oh, and I cried on the plane ride over so that probably counts. I don’t think of crying in front of strangers as crying in front of people. Strangers feel like a sort of camouflage, so I think of that being “another face in the crowd” as a depersonalized sort of thing.

> Question 31: _What is something you already like about me?_

Besides all of the things that I’ve already told you? I also like your sense of style, it’s not too flashy or impractical. And it’s just _you_ without any gimmicks.

> Question 32: _Is there anything that you think is too serious to joke about?_

There’s loads that shouldn’t be joked about, honestly, but I there’s loads that I don’t think about being too serious to be joked about until it’s happening in the moment. Obvious things like death, rape, and criminal acts, like, duh, don’t make jokes like that either. But there are other things like pretending to be someone else or faking your identity, those things can be too serious in some situations. It just really depends on what the context is for a lot of things too. Making fun of failure is a natural reaction to someone who feels somewhat more secure, but making a joke about failure in such a way that it hurts, that’s uncalled for, you know? I have a strange sense of humor and I haven’t got it all figured out yet.

> Question 33: _If you were to die tonight without being able to talk to anyone else, is there something you would regret not saying to someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?_

I want to write Simon a really long explanation for everything that happened. He never gave me a chance to explain myself and I never tried to make one, so the way he understands everything is just from his own mind, and he’s not mentally well, so it’s just a dysfunctional sort of understanding. I want to tell him that it was never his fault that we didn’t work out and it was just me and my needs being different from what he wanted me to be and wanted me to need from him. Maybe I’ll do that someday, but I’m not ready, and I regret feeling that way even now.

I’m not just ready to pour myself out like that to him, even though I know I owe him that much.

> Question 34: _If your home caught on fire and you saved your dog already, what would you come back inside to get?_

I have a small safe of keepsakes that held keep me grounded in my decisions to come out here and be my true self. I would run back in for the safe. It’s not very big and I can carry it pretty easily, so that’s what I could go back in for without a doubt in my mind.

> Question 35: _Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing?_

Any death is disturbing. All of them dying would hurt me and there’s no way I could ever pick someone whose loss would hurt me most.

> Question 36: _Is there anything that you would like to ask me advice for to get a new perspective? Anything you’d like me to help you understand?_

Honestly, I feel so content in this moment and in this life that I don’t think that there’s a single thing that I need help understanding. I don’t need any advice. All I want is more time with you, most moments like these, where everything feels aligned and peaceful.


	3. Philip Anderson

> Question 1: _If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would you invite?_

I don’t know who I would invite any more. Once upon a time, I might’ve invited Sherlock or Sally. Neither of them would have my company, though. I think I would just invite some that looked like they needed a friend and a meal.

> Question 2: _Would you like to be famous? What for?_

I used to want to be famous for figuring out how Sherlock faked his own death. Nowadays, not so much. I don’t want to be famous for anything because I’m not of that caliber. I’m just an ordinary guy who thinks he can solve mysteries.

> Question 3: _Do you practice what you’re going to say before making a telephone call? If you do, why do you do that?_

I used to practice things that I was going to say, not necessarily for phone calls, but things that I thought might be important social interactions. I’ve gotten out of that habit because it doesn’t feel like it makes a difference, and it takes up a lot of time that I would rather spend doing something that makes me happy.

> Question 4: _What would make a perfect day in your mind?_

Is it bad that I don’t know anymore? I’m at a weird stage in my life because I don’t have a career anymore, and my wife divorced me, so I’m working odd jobs for Mycroft and Lestrade. Sometimes Sherlock even asks me to do something for one of his cases. It’s always a surprise when he calls, but I’m just glad that he doesn’t hate me after all I did to smear his name.

> Question 5: _When did you last sing to yourself or someone else?_

A little known fact about Philip Anderson, yours truly, is that I fancy opera. I’m not saying that I might have some decent skills, exactly, but I do often sing opera when I’m making breakfast in the mornings. Whether someone hears me is unknown, but I never sing anything to another person intentionally.

> Question 6: _If you could live to the age of 90 and retain either the body or the mind of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose and why?_

This is a stupid question and a pretty easy one. I would keep the body of a 30-year-old because I would never want to stunt the growth of the mind. You can’t get smarter if you retain the process of thinking you have when you are 30! With age comes wisdom, and you change the way you think, as you grow old. I would much rather keep my mobility so that I could continue trying sole mysteries, even if I’m not as good as Sherlock Holmes at the job.

> Question 7: _Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?_

Yes and no. I have always had this thought in my head that I will probably die in a boating accident when I go on my fishing trips. I’ll die after falling off of the boat at night, or something like that. Then I realize that I’m being ridiculous and figure that we all die and it doesn’t really matter how, and that I’m probably wrong anyway. That’s what Sherlock would tell me, at least, and he’s probably right.

> Question 8: _Name three things that we have in common._

You don’t want to have anything in common with me that is immediately noticeable. However, I think that the fact that you were willing to participate in this dating effort shows that you are desperate to be loved for you are just like I am. So we’re both imperfect, which is a relatively simple similarity, but still an important one. It means we’re coming into this on the same page.

I think I can further deduce that you’ve probably exhausted plenty of other dating options. Apps, blind dates, speed dating, hooking up with strangers at the bar, and all that nonsense. It doesn’t work, does it? After my wife left me, Sally wasn’t sure that I was the person she cared about when we worked together anymore, I thought those would be the perfect outlet for my loneliness. None of them work, but I kept going and going in search of something that fit what I was looking for. Of course, I didn’t know what I was looking for – and you probably didn’t know either.

It’s all right that we don’t want to be alone. One of the things that all people must have in order to live a balanced life is to have love – familial, romantic, friendly – love and relationship is important to the psyche. We’re wired to not want to be alone.

> Question 9: _What are you most grateful in your life?_

A second chance. My reputation is damaged, but I’m not a complete imbecile. I can rebuild from where I’m at and make different choices now. I don’t need to tear others down to feel better about myself, and I don’t need to feel threatened when someone is better than I am anymore. Time will tell whether I’ve squandered this chance to redefine who I am, but I’m going to try my damnedest to make sure I am a better man.

> Question 10: _If you could change anything about the way your parents raised you, what do you think you would change?_

I don’t think I would change the way my parents raised me so much as I would change the way I handled my parents. I never told them that they were too harsh about things and that they weren’t listening to what I had to say about what I wanted. In a lot of ways, they pushed me towards certain goals that weren’t entirely my own, even if I was happy to pursue them.

My parents weren’t perfect, nobody is perfect, and I don’t think changing them would have bode any better for me. A lot of my flaws come from my decision to ignore them.

> Question 11: _What is your life story in 100 words or less._

I can’t count my words as I speak them, but I’ll aim for that approximate word count. My father is a cutthroat businessman and my mother is a renowned accountant. My love of mysteries and crime comes from their love of mystery books, which they read aloud to my nightly after dinner as our family activity. I tried various sports growing up but none of them ever seemed right for me, so I always ended up quitting and spending my time doing science kits at home or solving whole brain teaser books over the weekend. I knew Sherlock in college and found myself comparing his accomplishments to my own, which is a standard my parents taught. “Find the smartest person in the room and aim to be better than them,” and I’ve always done that with Sherlock. I knew very early on that I would never catch up and eventually came to be quite the bully to him. After he faked his death, it made me realize that being the smartest person in the room is not the easiest job, and I certainly don’t need to make my life and their life worse by trying to sabotage it. Now I just want to focus on figuring out who Philip Anderson is really meant to be and find someone to go on that journey with me.

Something tells me that that’s way over 100 words, but that’s the shortest explanation of my life that I can give you.

> Question 12: _If you could wake up having gained one skill or ability, what would you want to wake up with?_

I could afford to be less manic, I think. When things get crazy, so do I, and I know that’s not healthy.

> Question 13: _If there were some magic crystal ball that could tell you one truth about yourself, your life, of your future, what would you want to know?_

Will I be alone forever? I think knowing if that’s the future waiting for me, then I can start making changes to prepare for that fate.

> Question 14: _Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing that you haven’t actually done yet?_

That’s something that I’ve never considered. Is there something that I haven’t done that I want to do? I never wanted to travel or anything big like that. I just want to be successful, but even there – I get to define what success means to me. Knowing that now and understand it, there’s not much else I want to do.

> Question 15: _What do you think is your greatest accomplishment in life so far?_

I suppose being right about Sherlock faking his own death. Everyone thought I was completely bonkers – totally mad! – but The Empty Hearse group was always right. We never knew how, never even figured it out even part of the way, but we always knew he wasn’t dead. It’s not much of an accomplishment but it’s pretty great knowing that I was smart enough to see that.

> Question 16: _What do you value most in your friendships?_

I’ve never had a healthy one of those, so I can’t objectively say what it is I value because I’m still learning how to be a good friend. I think that respect and kindness are key traits of any good friendship, though, and I’m working on being respectful and kind even when I’m not in a good mood. Being better is my only objective.

> Question 17: _What is your most treasured memory?_

It’s pretty generic, but the day I graduated from university is a pretty big deal to me. I worked my ass off to be as smart as everyone else, and it wasn’t easy. I didn’t have much of a social life, and what I did have barely qualified as decent, and when I finally got my diploma home – I knew I’d earned my degree. That was important to me.

> Question 18: _What is your most terrible memory, then?_

The day Lestrade came into my office and said that he had to let me go. I wasn’t stable, and I agree with the decision he made now, but I’d lost everything when he sat an empty box on my desk. Sally couldn’t make eye contact with me that day, and ignored all my texts after I’d left. Lestrade ignored my calls for weeks. I offered to try to do what Sherlock did, so I wouldn’t have to work with him all the time, but I was never going to be Sherlock Holmes. That was another hard day – realizing I would never be good enough in that regard.

> Question 19: _If you knew that you would die suddenly this time next year, is there anything that you would change about the way you are living?_

I don’t know that I would, not with who I am now. Maybe five years ago I would’ve wanted to make some changes, but I’m more content now. I’m happier with the way I’m living my life now.

> Question 20: _What value do you place on friendship?_

I feel like I’ve already answered this in some capacity. Friendships are important to maintaining a healthy psyche, and I am fully aware of that. I don’t always put the time and effort that I should into friendships, which I’m working on, but I understand that nobody can live without it. Not successfully.

> Question 21: _How big of an impact do love and affection have in your life?_

I mean, I destroyed my marriage by being a madman who had a longstanding affair with my co-worker. I feel like saying anything other than “love and affection are integral to my life” would be lying.

> Question 22: _What are five things you consider to be positive characteristics of me?_

We’ve only just met, but I can probably manage to come up with five.

One – You’re a very engaged listener. You haven’t shown any disinterest this entire time. You are listening completely and attentively.

Two – You’re honest. You smile when you think something is funny, maybe you’ll laugh if I ever say something really hilarious, and you frown if you think something is not impressive. Being an open book is commonly thought to be a bad thing, but I think it makes forming a relationship with someone easier because you don’t have to wonder about what they’re thinking. You’ll know, and knowledge is always power.

Three – You’re patient. Even if my answers are taking a long time and I’m droning on, you’re not getting jittery or looking down at the next question or off at the clock. You’re just paying attention and waiting for me to end my answer.

Four – You’re laid back. I can tell that there’s not much that gets under your skin. I’ve said plenty of things that would make anyone feel uncomfortable or think that I’m not worth their time, but you’re still here. You haven’t been put off by any of my shortcomings and mistakes, which means you’re not about to run away from someone who still needs to grow as a person.

Five – You have a calming pattern of speech. When you’re asking questions, you’re doing it naturally. You don’t read the questions word-for-word because it’s not a natural way to speech. It’s too proper. You prefer a more casual tone in your conversation which is relaxing and comforting.

> Question 23: _Is your family close? Do you feel like your childhood was happier than your peers?_

There’s no doubt that my childhood was pretty happy. For all the gumption I wish I had as a child, I never felt unhappy or upset. I was frustrated plenty, but I had all I wanted and more. My parents loved me. We’re not close, especially not anymore, but my childhood was good.

> Question 24: _How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?_

I feel like she is more disappointed in me than my father is, which probably is a sign of something deeper in their relationship, but I don’t look into very far since my father is still disappointed in me too. They reach out to me on holidays but my mother is very cordial about it. My father prefers to send a text or give me a quick phone call. My mother always sends a card because then she doesn’t have to talk with me and acknowledge that her son is an embarrassment and a failure.

> Question 25: _Make three statements about us._

Both of us are lonely.

Both of us are probably not very close to our families.

Both of us are definitely night owls.

> Question 26: _Finish this thought… I wish I had someone that I could share…._

My life with.

> Question 27: _If you and I become closer after this, what is something that you think I need to know right out of the gate?_

I’m still a mess. We’ can’t go forward from here unless that’s perfectly clear. I am a complete disaster walking.

> Question 28: _What do you like about me, and please be very honest. It’s okay to say something you wouldn’t normally say to someone you’ve just met. That’s the point._

I can’t put my finger on it but there’s something about you that I just trust. My gut feeling is that you’re going to be around for quite some time, and that gives me a lot of inner peace and comfort. There’s a lot to like about it, and it’s all so subtle. It’s just a natural instinct to feel this safe with you.

> Question 29: _Tell me the most embarrassing moment of your life._

There’s so many of them in the last few years, I don’t even know which one was the worst. I suppose the worst moment was when my wife saw Sally and me together at a coffee shop. She stopped by to ask if this was the woman I’d been seeing, which Sally confirmed immediately, but then assured her that we weren’t going to be seeing each other anymore either. Sally’s exact words were “I understand why you’re leaving him.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so humiliated and pathetic in my life. I deserved it, though. I completely deserved every bit of shame that came from that moment.

> Question 30: _When was the last time you cried? In front of someone or by yourself?_

I cry pretty much every day. I was never the crying type before all of this, but I’ve become more and more emotional about things, especially since life is still really hard and I’m trying to claw my way to some semblance of stability. I cried before coming because I thought I would probably leave feeling worse about myself than ever and still alone. I’m not feeling that way now, of course. I’m glad that I didn’t back out.

> Question 31: _We already did this question, but I need you to tell me something else that you already like about me._

I guess I’ll go with something more shallow, then, if I have to answer this again. I really like your eyebrows. That’s a strange thing to say, so forgive me for that, but there’s so much emotion contained in your eyebrows. It’s really fascinating and attractive.

> Question 32: _Is there anything that you think is too serious to be joked about?_

The man that I’ve considered the man to beat for most of my adult life literally faked his death and I started a fan club about it. Nothing gets more serious than faking your death and destroying the lives of your loved ones and colleagues. I used to think there were things that should never be joked about and now I just think that everyone knows their own limits. Who am I to say that something is too serious to be joked about? I don’t know what is right and wrong anymore.

> Question 33: _If you died when you left here tonight without the ability to contact anyone else ever again, what would you wish you’d have said that you haven’t yet?_

Nothing. I’m not keeping any secrets anymore. I’ve said all that I needed to say to get off my chest and get my life on the right track. “Honesty is the best policy” - that’s what all of the teachers said when we were little kids. I don’t keep anything in because I don’t want to wish I’d said it later.

> Question 34: _Your house is burning down, what do you go back inside to save? Why would you pick that?_

I don’t know. I supposed I’d try to save my computer or my tablet. I use those the most and they would be the most expensive things to replace.

> Question 35: _Of everyone in your family, whose death would be the hardest to deal with?_

My dad’s death would be harder than everyone else. We’ve never been close to my grandparents, they’ve all had varying degrees of dementia most of my life, so they’ve never been able to remember me, and my parents don’t take me to visit them at holidays. The only two people from my family that I’m close to are my parents, and I’m not even close to them.

At least my father tries to be more friendly with me than my mother, and losing him would making letting him down even harder.

> Question 36: _Is there a personal problem that I can try to give you some advice on?_

If you want to give me any advice, I am all ears. Anything to get my life back together – any advice for that is welcomed. There’s not just one problem that I need to solve and I can’t even say which problem is the most important one to address.

So – if you’ve got it – I’m listening.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any hated character suggestions, please leave them in the comments below. If it is a character that I know enough about to include in this series, I'll absolutely add them! It only takes about an hour or two for me to put together one of these chapters, so I'm hoping to add to this in my free time and when I'm having writer's block with everything else.


End file.
